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Goodness. Gracious. Great balls of SNOT.

12 Nov

This isn’t so much a rant as a limp verbal excrement. I don’t have the energy to feel passionately angry about anything today. Why?

Because I have the Snot Disease. I am one huge walking sack of bogey. I have the Lurgy. I am having as much fun as I would be if I were sticking heroin needles in my eyes and licking sandpaper. I’ve just blown my nose and half of my brains have made their way out of my head and into my tissue. I literally feel as fresh as a gorilla’s arsehole.

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Added to this, I am nursing a hangover. I had the unfortunate experience of going on my second ever “date” last night, and God knows I needed to intravenously hook myself up to the alcohol to get through it. My goal of getting married before my 893rd birthday is getting slowly farther away. Still, at least I’ll be able to boast a top notch immune system after this shit-party of a cold has departed my body.

Feel free to send me gifts, cards, food, treats, maybe even a hot gentleman to give me a rub down. Or else I’ll have just my nose tampons to comfort me.

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