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It’s a pussy. Now get over it.

11 Nov

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If you are an animal lover, I’d suggest you stop reading this now.

If you are one of those people who buy calendars with pictures of fluffy white kittens, or birds regurgitating into each other’s mouths, I’d suggest you stop reading this now.

If you are the sort of person that takes any sort of offence when I say “Bambi’s mum died, big whoop”, then, again, I’d suggest you stop reading this now.

This particular rant stems from what I can only describe as the FECKING UNNECESSARY posts that have been showing up on my facebook news feed from one of my facebook “friends”. Not a real friend, mind, but a fake facebook one. So I’m allowed to crucify their moronic behaviour without feeling the slightest bit of remorse.

I understand that being in the situation where you might possibly lose a loved one, can be a very stressful and upsetting time. For example if one of your parents have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Or if one of your siblings has been in a life threatening accident. I could go as far as being able to understand if your second cousin twice removed (whatever that even means) has had an unfortunate sex accident with a hoover and has ended up in the hospital. It happens, it’s stressful, and such is life.

But, so help me God, when I see my facebook feed constipated with the posts of someone asking for the world to PRAY FOR THEIR CAT: shit is gonna start going down.

To the fucktard in question: Have you lost your FRIGGIN MIND? There is a reason why cats have the ability to land on their feet after falling from a great height – that is because everybody wants to KICK THEM FAR FAR AWAY. They are annoying. And bitchy. Yes, BITCHY. And they walk around like the world owes them something. Well, we don’t. So you can take your pouch of Whiskas and shove it up your tiny pink cat anus.

And this one cat in particular really takes the cat chew. UGLY? Ugly doesn’t even begin to describe it. It has the facial expression that one would imagine you’d pull if someone had shat on a slice of toast, eaten it, vommed it back up into a bowl and served it to you for breakfast, i.e. unamused. (At least, I would hope you’d be unamused. If not though, I may know some people who may know some people who can hook you up with that sort of thing…)

However, I’m not sure what’s worse – this particular culprit asking all the world and its friends to pray for their stupid ugly cat OR the mundanely clichéd comments that all of their friends are posting in response:

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” REALLY? Is that why Cat Girl is missing a cat-shaped piece of her heart right now whilst I happily chow down on Pepperidge Farm cheddar goldfish..?

“He knows how much he was loved”… Errrr, no he doesn’t. HE’S DEAD.

OK, so some of my words may be slightly harsh. Only slightly. Very very slightly. Pretty much not at all. But am I the only one thinking that in the grand scheme of things, a CAT is what I have to be praying for? How about money, love, and world domination? Or getting chocolate BN biscuits back into supermarkets? Or, more importantly, getting that fuckwit Justin Bieber off my radio and into Room 101?

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